[01:27:02] Lulu: the place is great

[01:27:13] Lulu: they have fucking little willie on display

[01:27:19] Mr Twisty: What.

[01:27:25] Mr Twisty: Why is my dick on display there?

Idk this thing exists, lots of people hate it, I don't think it's quite as bad as people make it out to be.

For the giveaway outcome, see the postscript.

The bad

Battlecruiser. Has implications for how it plays. The game calls it a battleship, but really, it's not.
Ishizuchi on paper has an overwhelmingly average main battery composed of 5 x 2 12'' guns, which almost rival Wyoming's 6 x 2 layout.
I say on paper because in practice, unlike most battleships, Ishizuchi's AP shells are a bit like a severed ass with strips of other severed asses furled around it. If you aren't familiar with a good ass, they're soft and squishy and have poor ballistic shape, and there has been no recorded case in history of an ass penetrating battleship armour.
This requires another bullet point for elaboration. Ever read about British WW1 shells? Ishizuchi fires a British shells. This does not bode well. For starters, the shell is lighter than Wyoming's 12'' shell and has less krupp. While she doesn't lag that far behind there, she does lag behind when it comes to drag; her drag value is through the fucking roof, which again takes us back to the ass comparison; poor ballistic shape means they lose a lot of their (already underwhelming) speed and penetrative power. It also means her arcs get a little rainbow-y.
On top of that the alpha is furiously meh too, at a whole 8000, as opposed to Wyoming's 8300 and Myogi's 10000 (though Myogi has 14'' guns).
British pre-WW1 turrets means British pre-WW1 elevation which means piss fucking poor range. Most everything at tier 4 bar destroyers outranges Itchy Sushi.
The distribution of the turrets means she has to sacrifice a lot of firepower to angle herself, and it causes convergence issues that kinda exaggerate her dispersion.
Ishi's range and AP are garbage. I wish it ended there. Where she really suffers is in the protection department; this is where the battlecruiser thing comes in. Ishi's upper belt is composed of 6 inches of armour, while her lower belt is a measly 8'', just like her turret sides and faces. Worse yet, Ishizuchi has an enormously thin armour deck at a lousy 38mm. Her bow is a whopping 19mm thick, too, which is overmatched by 12'' guns. Yep. Ishizuchi is extremely poorly protected all around.
On top of that, like a lot of other battleships with loads of turrets and big engines, her citadel is xbox huge. Kongo's is, too, but her citadel is wrapped in a sandwich of armour plates of differing thickness which makes her though to citadel; Ishi has a uniform 6-8 inch belt, and her citadel peeks out above the waterline. A broadside Ishizuchi is a juicy target indeed.
No but actually her citadel is seriously massive, and her sole saving grace when being fired at it from the front is the 178mm bulkhead.
Unlike /u/horsememes' weiner, Ishizuchi is large and easily seen, suffering from a serious case of Pensacola Syndrome; her base concealment is a whopping 16.1km. For reference that's higher than Montana's concealment range. Yeah.
She's seen wayyyyy before she can shoot back even with camo and CE. It's absolutely fucking nuts and I can see why it'd kill the ship for some.
With the way base fire chance modifiers are affected by armour, her thin deck means she tends to burst into flames pretty quickly. Prodigous size does not help.
For extra keks, her deck armour also does little to protect her steering gears from HE splash. Basically anything that hits your stern will cause your rudder to disintegrate.
Just to drive the ''poorly protected battlecruiser'' thing really home, she has no torpedo bulge, only what I assume to be a torpedo bulkhead that reduces torp damage by a whopping 4%. Tier 4 is rife with yolocharging DDs and torps in general. Ishi is huge. Do the maths.
While her rudder shift time is a perfectly average 12.7 seconds, she's long (dick joke) and has an enormous turning circle of 740 meters (dick joke?). Myogi comes in at 720 meters, but her rudder shifts a few tenths of a second faster (stretching it now, really). This means that while she isn't particularly fast nor particularly slow to get turning, she needs a really long time to actually complete a turn, which makes her a great target for torpedo marksmanship practice.
Before, shitty AA was a moot point because tier 2/3 shitcans don't see carriers much, if at all. Ishizuchi is a tier 4 ship, which is where Hosho (bad news) and Langley (really bad news) also live. Myogi and Wyoming get decent AA suites to thin out T4 carrier strike squads before they drop on their top hulls. Ishizuchi gets a handful of 3'' guns that hit about as hard as a diaper, filled with diarrhea, frozen, launched at a plane using a catapult. (that's definitely one of my more out-there comparisons)
Enormous secondary battery with the accuracy of a dude with a TT-33 shooting at things from 3km altitude sitting in a TB-3 (I did that for the consecutive threes, yes indeed). This is a general tier 4 problem but it's especially obvious on Ishi because she has fucktons of the things.
The guns on her turrets are cosmetic. Bummer.
The camo scheme looks really off on a WW1 battlecruiser. As far as premium camo schemes go, Ishi has one of the less appealing schemes.
The ship looks odd in general; her hull is enormous, but her superstructure is fairly minimal. I get it's a WW1 battlecruiser but the ship just looks a little odd, to me.
Tier 4 still doesn't really make a lot of credits, though it's not as bad as in tier 2 and 3.
Ishi sits in a unique position where she's a battleship but doesn't fucking play like one at all, which complicates matters when you try to train IJN BB captains on her. If you want to train cruiser captains on it, there's a much better option available four tiers higher.

I'm an optimist. Sometimes. I guess. So, now for the alright-to-good stuff.

The alright stuff

Her AP is shit but her HE is godly. While BB HE tends to wreck in general, Ishi's AP is so shit she needs to use HE more often than the average battleship.
No but seriously she has a 32% base fire chance at a tier where the base modifiers are still crappy and the HE has a very respectable 5200 alpha. Also BB HE is so fucking punchy it stops giving a fuck about krupp and mauls modules anyway. Drag is still through the roof, but who gives a fuck when it's BB HE and you don't need to pen to fuck someone up (and also set them on fire at the same time).
Ishi's guns only need 25 seconds to reload. The five second difference between her and other BBs means she's a pretty good firestarter and can push cruisers around all day once she gets in range and they make the stupid mistake of giving you a broadside (and even when they don't the HE is still about as punchy as a genuine MusicMan Stingray with the sweet spot humbucker.)
She still has 10 guns. She can shotgun things for days, letting her either start like two or three fires a salvo on BBs, or vaporise broadside cruisers with AP shotgun blasts. Only Wyoming, Arkansas and Nikolai I exceeds her barrel count at the tier (and the next), but Ishizuchi is far more accurate than Wyoming and Arkansas, and Nikolai is tier 4's unicorn.
The turrets turn reasonably fast. Scant consolation for the turning circle but ~it's something~
Ishi's dispersion isn't that bad. Her horizontal dispersion is alright, but her 2.0 sigma gives her pretty tight vertical groupings and lets you accurately rainbow your shells into the center of your opponent's dick (accurate being a purely relative term in this case).
Ishizuchi is a battlecruiser. Battlecruisers go fast. Ishizuchi thus also goes fast, moving around at 27.5 knots. While she can't quite keep the pace with cruisers, she has pretty decent flexibility when it comes to speed, and she can chase down shit like St. Louises and Wyomings pretty easily.
xbex hyeg hp pool. 45700 puts her at Myogi's level, and just slightly ahead of Wyoming.
Her AA is incredibly shit, which means it's incredibly satisfying whenever the ''bang!'' of your AA guns manages to give a pilot a heart attack that causes his plane to fall down, out of control.
She has fucktons of secondary guns. While they're hilariously ineffective most of the time, they may start a fire or two and they look badass as fuck whenever you pop a full broadside of them off.
Minimal superstructure means minimal target for flat-arcing HE shells (which, to be fair, are as rare as rocking horse shit at this tier, but ~it's something~)
Like Myogi and Wyoming, she gets preferential MM, and won't see tier 6 ships unless you faildivision.
Her bow crest is small but it's there and bow crests are objectively the coolest thing ever.
Ishizuchi can be bastardised into Itchy Sushi or Itchy Zucchini. Toilet humour, ho!
She's an okay budget credit grinder (and I do mean budget).

The history stuff

Paper shippppp she was some kinda preliminary design for Kongo and never actually existed, but if you pretend it did, it probably had a sick pagoda mast and sank near the Solomon Islands.
There is no history. Unless you want a detailed account of how her blueprint was made, but I'm the wrong person to ask there.

In summary

Well, Ishizuchi is a thing. A thing that's a horrible bastard child of a cruiser and a battleship. She's not particularly sturdy, her AP is crap, but she's pretty good at flinging HE and setting shit on fire, and she's reasonably fast. She plays like a really fat cruiser that has the stealth of a nuclear weapon going off, with a fireworks display mounted on her sides and a handful of pop guns for AA armament. The risk of overextending is real, but Ishi can blast cruisers out of the water and endlessly set battleships on fire when they get in range, and makes some decent bucks on the side.

tl;dr battleship that plays like a fucking enormous cruiser.

Should you get her?

If you're looking for a good ship: maybe? Ishi is inconsistent because carriers and tier 5 BBs eat her alive, but she shotgun blasts cruisers right outta the water and her HE flinging gimmick means she can rack up decent damage. Not a great ship, but certainly not broken.
If you're looking for an XP/credit grinder: tier 4 ships make a reasonable amount of credits but there's so many good options one or two tiers higher I can't recommend her on this point.
If you're looking for a captain trainer: your IJN CA captain will almost swooce right in. Almost. Your BB captain won't. Ishi isn't a great option for either, and while she can do the job in a pinch (''pinch'' meaning ''tight budget''), Atago is just so much better for training cruiser captains. If you want a lower tier ship due to lack of high tier experience or really want a BB, though, she's worth picking up.
If you're looking for something silly and/or fun: the flamethrower shtick can be fun, but Ishi's lack of AA, tendency to jettison her rudder and eagerness to burst into flames can make playing her a frusrating venture sometimes, and T5 ships kinda shit on her so she's too inconsistent to tick this box.
If you're looking for a challenge: I mean, sure. She has some glaring weaknesses and flaws but she compensates with some strengths, and while she's not easy to play, she's not outright broken, so the more daring players among us can probably have a good time making this ship work.
If you're looking for something historically significant: it's a paper ship, I'm sure you don't need me to answer this one

No jokes or puns this time. I'm dividing this postscript into headers for once.

The giveaway

The winner is in, and their (reddit) name is /u/AntTiger666! Congrats, honey! Your Sims should be arriving in your gift box today, and I hope you'll enjoy it. Definitely do explain your obsession with ant felines to us sometime.

I'm glad to report we only had four duplicate entries, of which two politely informed me they accidentally ticked the wrong server box and one obviously screwed something up and accidentally sent a dupe! We had a whopping 636 entries after I cleaned up the dupes, which is more than I'd ever expected!

I read some really fantastic jokes, too, and i'll compile a ''best of'' list for next week's Buyers Beware, and put the whole list up in a pastebin as well (not credited - unless someone specifically wants me to credit them, but I've seen people request I don't credit them, not the other way around).

For those who didn't win: I'm sorry! If I were rich I'd buy everyone a Sims. We'll certainly be doing more giveaways in the future, though, server promotions and financial situation permitting!

ps: some of you have hilarious in-game/reddit usernames.

A personal message (feel free to skip this)

Hi. It's Vaexa. If you're not interested in something bordering on a sob story, feel free to skip this.

If this installment seems dull or overly cynical, it's for the same reason the Diana/Aurora guide went up three days later than intended. In fact, this guide nearly didn't happen at all for that reason. I've been working on a huge school project, which I've had to do alone, in a little over half the normal allotment of time due to some bullshit, for the past six weeks, and it's been taking a toll on me. Today was grading day and school fucked me over something fierce, and I just feel a little down and depressed over all the wasted effort.

Still, I need to keep myself to my schedule, and writing these is a great way to blow off some steam (profanity, yeah), let my creativity go and distract myself for an hour or two.

Anyway I don't consider r/wows a personal hugbox (I love the community, though, I really do) and I don't just want to dump a sob story here, but I figured I'd give a little reasoning as to why it's going up so late.

pps: i see this question a lot but i pester /u/horsememes over his junk because i'm his girlfriend and i get to do that.

Thanks for reading! As always, if I made any weird typos, grammar or formatting errors, punch me and I'll fix them asap. <3

Submitted by Vaexa | #Specialdealer Special Offer Online Shopping Store 2016

Wapmaxi.com

Friday, 1 July 2016

Buyers Beware: Ishizuchi