how to be cool and sober

what's up r/druggies?

remember me? I used to come around these parts dropping some of the phatest stories on all of r/drugs. some of you may be familar with such stories like

"the hot redhead who sold xanax"

https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/6g8t26/i_met_this_hot_girl_at_a_bar_that_sold_xanax/

"the friend who couldn't get high"

https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/7l0ynd/we_all_have_that_friend_that_cant_get_high/

"this guy tried to skimp me on a g of kush...here's what happened to him" .

https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/7kx16b/this_guy_tried_to_skimp_me_on_a_g_of_kushheres/

Wondering what I've been up too? Good question!

Anyways I noticed that it seems like there are actually a lot of people here who stride to be sober who frequent this sub. Not gonna lie to you guys - I find that pleasantly surprising! Glad to see we're not all loaded out of our minds 24/9. If you live that life, all good homie! Just make sure you pay your bills, say waddup to your fam, and you don't beat your kids or dog or some wild shit yfm?

Here's some ways to be cool & sober. Some of you got anxiety. Shit, we all fuccin got anxiety and it's a bitch. Here's how I deal with it

1. Get your ass some new clothes, specifically go to ROSS. That's right. Pull up either with some homies or solo dolo - you gotta own it regardless. we're tryna make you a pussy magnet that everyone wants to put on their snap story.

get yourself a nice lil make over. Get some phresh threads to make yourself POP like a bag of pop-rocks on an ASMR channel. You're thinking u/trustmeimdonaldtrump...you serious rn? Ross? Damn straight homie. The first step to making your life good, is to LOOK good. Best way to feel good is by wearing some fresh new kicks & threads that makes all the ladies go damn...where dat boy shop at? Let me take him home and suck his dick to find out.

After we get you decked out in supreme lookin like Ricegum's autistic cousin we gonna get you jacked. Now you aren't body building or trying to be the next Strongman but getting you in the gym and slapping some fuckin steel will get your confidence boosting like you just did a fat bag of coke off some DDD's. Get yourself the most prime, pristine, OG, top-notch, BEES-KNEES gym membership. None of that pussy "free weights and towels" 30 day free trial shit. You gonna be there a lot longer than 30 days if you're serious about wanting to stay sober and being a new you. You're gonna want it all when it comes to machinery, perks, food, showers, and especially the sauna. Not only is the sauna good for your body and soul, but I've done the most business deals and made the most professional connections by spending 6-7 hours at a time in a sauna. That shit will change your life. You should see how many business cards my wallet has.

After we get you souped up like Nascar it's time to change that fuckin diet. It's not delivery - it's diabetes! That's right, it's time to stop eating frozen pizza, and all that fuckin gluten my guy. You know the produce section of the grocery store? You know, the isle you breeze right past so you can book it to the chocolate milk and donuts? You're about to make the produce section your bitch. Grab every vegetable and fruit and put it in your fucking basket. You wanna be cool right? You wanna feel normal right? Changing your diet will actually drastically change your depression and anxiety. There's scientific research to back this shit up homie. So grab some coupons because this shit isn't gonna be cheap.

You're gonna stop jerking off. This one. is. fucking. HUGE. This will be the hardest task but let me explain why this is so important. I'm going to actually sound insane and it's crazy to me that this is not talked about more in therapy/mental health but here's the reason why jerking off less will help you shape into a productive & out-going human being.

When you jerk off - you give yourself free dopamine which should be earned in a different way. From achieving goals, creating progress, learning new skills, talking to girls, etc etc. If you reduce the amount of free dopamine you give yourself, you'll be more inclined to be a "go-getter".

But u/trustmeimdonaldtrump...I love to jerk off! How does this have anything to do with me being cool? It has everything to do with being cool and trust me. Stop jerking off and you're gonna start seeing some results.

Now that you have all of these steps covered: it's time to start actually being cool. Listen, R0m3 wasn't built in a day and I didn't start banging MILFs after my first trip to JCPENNY. You gotta build yourself up like a chimmychonga you'd buy at a 7/11. You gotta work your way to the top like tight yoga pants on a girl who likes her starbucks.

For me? It came naturally. Keepin it calm, cool, collect - I didn't need a teacher but not all of us are that badass.

(If you made it this far) Let's break down what being cool is. Some of us all have different interpretations about who is "cool" and who isn't so this will be as general and broad as possible.

1. Lots of friends

We're not talking about myspace friends, we're not talking about this persons top 8. We're talking about IRL they can go out and always have a crew with them. That guy you see in the movies & TV shows with the black leather jacket not talking to anyone while all the girls stare and oogle at him? They aren't cool, they're fuckin weird. They're not shit after high school. Not only that - they don't exist. Don't let TV define what's cool because doing everything you see on TV? that's the first step to being a poser. Someone that plays by their own rules can be cool, but a truly socially inept person will understand when to adjust to their surroundings. Someone who's cool will be cool to anyone in any situation - at work, at their AA meeting, during chess club, whatever the fuck it is they're gonna be the bees-knees.

1. Lots of prospects for sexual intercourse

Now this one is kinda subjective because in today's society it's sorta ok for a dude to do this and not a chick. If you ask me? I don't agree. As long as you aren't mutually exclusive with someone, fuck away my dear friends. (just wanted to get that out of the way)

Now having a lot of sexual partners is easy imo - but being able to OWN it is a mastery in itself. You know what's cool? Wearing a fucking condom you sick fucks. That's right, unless you both just walked out of the clinic where you got tested I'd wrap that shit up my guy. Having the clap isn't cool. So wrap your shit up and get to fuckin because with that new look and muscles you're gonna have a line out the door. There's not really much else to say other than put yourself out there and make sure to keep it CCC (calm, cool, collect)

1. Has cool stuff (to go with a cool personality)

Listen - no one likes a jerk-off who just brags about stuff they have. hey look at me I just stood in line for a week in the rain for a xbox 720. Wow dude really dope, did you give your mom her credit card back while you're at it?

Basically, if you're cool - no matter WHAT you buy is going to make you look even more cool. If you're a lame loser and you think having a stripper pole in your house will make you seem higher up on the social totem pole I promise you got another thing coming. Everyone, and I mean even the fucking people who don't even know you will think you're full of shit.

Find a hobby, own it, invest in it, don't put it too proudly on display but let it be known. if you're TOO obsessed with something it puts people off. Find a happy medium. You like south park? Cool! It's a great show! Maybe when I walk into your room it shouldn't be covered head to toe in south park gear though.... you feel me?

1. Someone who'd never actually say outloud that they're cool

This is fucking crucial. Do really attractive people go around telling people they're super hot? No. Why? Cause they don't fucking have too. People will tell them FOR them. You think any of the greats in music ever brag about how good they are? No, they fucking don't. Being humble is so important. There are many talented and reasonably fun people who are awesome until up to this point. I've lost a lot of respect for people who think they are the shit - it almost makes me want to see them fail because of their cocky attitude. What i'm trying to say is - do your thing and don't expect special recognition from it. If you seek that validation, it's more than likely never going to happen.

1. Clout

Now this one is very controversial to say. But basically if you get a lot of recognition on social media from a project that you're involved with, that is quite cool and attractive these days.

But clout goes a tiny bit deeper than that imo - basically if you're successful in whatever you do that's all it takes. If people are talking about you, that's clout. If people want to BE you. that's clout.

how to get clout? That's a whole different post - but here's a short short short short version. Start your own project, grind until it's popular. That's it.

1. Good looking or a good sense of humor (these are the exact same in todays age)

It's not really that crazy to say that having a sense of humor can get you girls completely out of your league. This is my bread and butter right here. I would of probably never fucked a hot girl in my entire life if I couldn't make them laugh. Being funny and (charming) is basically being THC frosting on a okay tasting cake. I can't teach you how to be funny because if I could I'd be a fucking billionaire.

however to be good looking? you'll already have that down if you did the very first steps. new clothes, haircut, diet, workout - you'll be way closer than you were before.

1. A prominent social media with high followers and interaction

This is for the millennials. This is for the younger crowd for sure and this kinda falls under Clout. 10k followers on instagram and there's suddenly something a little more interesting about you. It's absolutely true for girls that are 18-25 and even as a male I find myself more intrigued when a girl is repping 20k twitter followers from her myfreecams account. It's cool, they're doing their thing grinding out their own brand and there's something attractive about a go-getter in that sense.

So I hope this helped with someone. Notice how none of that had anything to do with drugs. You don't need drugs to be cool, and I promise you a brutal 7 hour work-out and healthy diet will take away 90% of peoples anxiety here. A social group of friends, hobby, goals, and an prominent social media + sex life is a nice way to ease your depression. I feel like most people who have that are not fucking depressed.

see y'all at the next r/drugs post... I promise it'll be back to my totally real stories and not just me ranting/lecturing about being cool 101. this was for all my r/drug homies out there who's going through a tough time trying to stay or be sober.

onto the next one! trust me...i'm Donald Trump

Submitted by trustmeimdonaldtrump | #Specialdealer Special Offer Online Shopping Store 2016